Abuse of Courtship

As I have done research in my Bible over the topic of courtship I have found, in my experience, that the father is often times so zealous in protecting his daughter, he goes beyond the call of duty. Patriarchy can be a wonderful example of God the Father loving the Son. But too often it is dad going through a power trip and everyone hating him for it. Patriarchy, as we read about it through the example of Jesus Christ, shows a loving Son willingly and actively serving his Father because he trusts and respects him. The Son knows that the Father loves him. The Son knows that all the rules established by the Father have been produced out of love and kindness, compassion and truth. It was the mission of the Son to represent the Father to his creatures and show them how to share in his love for the Father. As David has said on numerous occasions and in differing way throughout the Psalms, "All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies". In the 23 Psalm he states, "your rod and your staff, they comfort me" and elsewhere he says, "Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments!" Psalm 119 is a psalm about how the law and statues of God bring light and life. In it we read how the Word of God is trustworthy and steers us away from evil. These are the things that bring joy and this was Jesus' mission while on earth. It is a beautiful thing when an earthy father can reflect his heavenly Father in communicating his love towards his daughter in serving her by example. Therefore, courtship, between a daughter and a prospective suitor, is not exclusively about control. It is building trust in that both come to respect and love the guides set down by the bride's father. Not because he is interested in keeping them apart but that he is interested in preserving their love for each other. He uses wisdom and serves as their counsellor; and because of his love, which is visible and obvious, they want to heed it. The daughter loves her father and respects him. She hears the love and concern in his voice and sees him as a good example by which it is no shame or embarrassment to emulate. The guides and rules are not meant to "spoil their fun" but to preserve them until they can, at last, enjoy each other to the fullest. The father is himself undergoing a process of transferring his God-ordained protection of his daughter to that of a young man who will take over this job and protect his new wife. It is in his best interest, and in the interest of all involved, that this young man be adequately prepared for such a task and not be frivolous or careless in the seriousness of this enterprise. He must be quite sure that she is a suitable helpmate for the goals and aspirations God is directing him towards and of which she will share. Will she be provided for, protected emotionally, mentally and physically. Does he love and respect her? It is not about control. It is the father's responsibility to seek the face of God for wisdom and understanding as he gently guides his daughter to a happy beginning. He must instruct the young man of his responsibilities, according to biblical principles, and hold him accountable. He must always point him to Jesus Christ as his example of perseverance and patience so that he might be encouraged and strengthened as the time draws near where he might have and hold the one the father had the privilege of preparing for such a time as this. I will one day put the hand of a young man into the hand of my daughter and my job of protection will be his. It will be bittersweet at first. It will bring great joy, but also a deep wound. My daughter will be grown and no longer a little girl. Her home will no longer be with me but with her husband. It is a great responsibility and a great burden a father truly has. But it is one with very great rewards as well. -Joe