Courtship #3

This is my final installment on courtship and will continue the thoughts on purity I ended the last post on courtship with:

Purity is the name of the game here and the best way for a young man and woman to remain absolutely pure in the biblical sense is to involve one's godly parents in the process. Now of course it really is essential to have developed a sense of total trust in one's parents; their views, wisdom and understanding particularly on this topic of marriage - for that is what courtship really is all about - marriage. If a young Christian lady does not have Christian parents who agree with biblical patterns for marriage then she should find a godly couple who could stand in and have her be accountable to them - and that she would hold fast to their counsel. A young man is to follow the biblical principles outlined in scripture and keep far from the edge of what is appropriate when dealing with the woman he is considering for marriage. This means any type of emotional romantic attachment is not advisable. The connection that is desired is deeper; it is a kind of intellectual companionship where many kinds of opinions can be discussed leading to deeper connections essential for a lasting relationship. For many things can be learned about one another by how they relate to others in group situations. In fact group events can be best in getting to know the other on a deeper level - "what does she like to do?" "What kinds of things interest him?" A group setting can be a non-threatening venue for finding out many things that normally a young man or young lady would not ask without the other being cued in that the other maybe infatuated with them. Being interested is not a question of infatuation - if it is a question of genuine interest in what he sees in a young lady. Because if the young man has any maturity at all he is not so naive to be thinking primarily of self-gratification but of his future - and hers. His questions are more than merely, "I like to get to know her better" (thinking in terms of the physical), or "She is a knockout!" He has the ability to look deeper than what he sees on the surface. He is looking for cues that suggest whether the character of the young lady he is interested in would be compatible with who he is as a person. Maturity also suggests that the young man knows in fact who he is. Many do not know who they truly are on the inside simply because they merely live on the surface level - there really is nothing deep because they have gotten in the habit of merely existing from one moment to the other; from one impulse to the next. See, courtship is a serious thing indeed! Dating, by definition, suggests something not so serious - Christian or not. But who can afford not to be serious? Who can afford to draw near to the edge of what is not permissible; what is not right biblically when one's future hangs in the balance? Or even breathe the suggestion that "I'm not going to marry the girl" anyways! Then why are you with her if you will not consider marriage to her? I have heard it once said by a young man that he was interested in a young lady but acknowledged her to be inferior to the ideal he had in his mind for a mate. I questioned his motives and pointed to his ideal as attainable and not to "settle for second best". This is typical behavior of those in the dating scene. No one is thinking about marriage necessarily but there is a misplaced need that only God is able to fulfill if we only learn to trust him. Our companionship needs must be met by God. Only then will we consider a mate in terms other than "how he or she makes me feel". It is not a "feeling" matter. It is of absolute essential matter that we have the full use of our brains! Don't settle for second best.

-Joe