This post on courtship will be a compare/contrast exercise with dating, Christian or otherwise. The point in the end is to demonstrate that Christians have been caught up (duped) into accepting the world's practices on even how we (as male and female) interact with one another.
If the biblical precedent is to treat unmarried women as sisters - with absolute purity; seriously, how can a young Christian man be faithful to that precedent when he does not have marriage in mind but instead only wants to "have fun" with innocent young women? The male of the world does not think of marriage when he is enjoying the dating scene. He has one thing usually on his mind regarding the opposite sex. The woman makes it easy for him when she consents to give him what he is looking for. At that point the challenge disappears and any thought towards committing himself to her is lost since the act of marriage has been haphazardly given. What has been done, in essence, is the act of marriage has been reduced to insignificance - it has been disrespected and disregarded as a unholy thing. But it is beautiful in the sight of God who gave it significance; who gave it as a means to demonstrate Christ's unconditional love for the Church. The act of marriage is a holy thing. It has been ordained by God under certain conditions. If these conditions are set aside then the same act is cheapened and rendered worthless and meaningless.
Courtship with a woman specifically communicates the man's intention to commit to marriage. But in reality, courtship is not the beginning. The beginning is the man's commitment to discover through inquiry more about the woman he wants to know better. He finds out information by observation, by actual communication with her, by interviewing her friends, acquaintances, relatives and mostly her parents and more specifically her father. If he likes what he sees - that is, that there could be a possibility of a good match for a marital situation and both he and her father have established a good relationship, he asks permission to court her from her father. There is with absolute clarity of both parties the understanding that the courtship process will cumulate in marriage.
The courtship process particularly benefits the emotional need of the woman because whether she admits to it or not there is something to be said for knowing that a young man is willing to commit with her. Courtship communicates a desire to commit. It communicates a desire to wait until the proper time for intimacy. If the young woman values commitment she will value the courtship process and embrace it. She will covet her parents constant involvement assuring its success.
It is harder for the man because it forces him to restrain himself emotionally. Worldly ("natural") men do not understand because they cannot see why what is natural should be restrained; it is not "normal" to hold back. When the urge is there, it is easy to release it and move on without a serious thought about what was just done to the woman. However, the woman is connected still through cords of emotional commitment, but not so with the man. He has gained what was an easy thing for him to give. But the woman has given her heart. In fact, anything that has a distinctively emotional composition will cause her to commit to him emotionally but not necessary him to her. So the things people do in dating that are emotional in nature - like being romantic, being physical with each other etc. connect her to him more than him to her naturally. These connections are meant for her husband only - not a person who has not expressed any form of real commitment to her. For her the connections are trust connections that she has no business giving to any man but her husband. But the man, by allowing these connections has, in essence, violated her emotionally. This is not being faithful to the biblical precedent I have stated above. Treating the young woman with absolute purity does not only mean physical purity, but emotional purity as well.
These, and many more reasons I will attend to in the next post on Courtship, are legitimate arguments not to think of dating as a good alternative to courtship. Dating (and so-called Christian dating) is a counterfeit to the Lord's intention of gently handling that young lady with absolute purity - not willing to violate her in any way whether you will some day marry her or your interest in her will end. Considering that one day the young lady you are interested in may be someone else's wife puts a sobering picture on the whole dating farce.
-Joe
2 comments:
i likes this post :) (yes i said likes on purpose) Basically what I was trying to say in my clunkly paper.
Don't give up on it Jesse. The more you think and ponder a subject; the more you write and hear other people's input; the better you will get a handle on it and the better the paper will be. It takes time and there are others far and away more expert at this than I. Furthermore, I don't put nearly the kind of time into research as I ought in order to be taken seriously - except by you young man. Thanks for the good words.
-Dad
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