I have a real issue with the way small groups are organized. This concern will be shared with my pastor but in the meantime this forum is useful in forming my thoughts into (hopefully) a coherent recipe for success.
It is a blessing that my church has a vision for more people more like Christ. Another emphasis is a goal for 2,018 people by 2,018. I don't completely embrace this vision because I feel it puts the emphasis on a number instead of on people. But my pastors would lodge a fine argument in disagreement. But my bone of contention is simply that the statement begs a lengthier explanation since on its face it leads newbies and other uninformed persons to a false conclusion.
But this aside, the format we have for small groups is, at best, divisive. It breeds exactly what we are trying to ward against - the problem of becoming ingrown. Now I have no feelings of disillusionment. I love my church and I love the people. God has changed my heart to interact with many people without fear. But that is me. It what I have always done growing up. I never "belonged" to any particular group. Instead I floated around from the jock group to the druggie group and to all groups in-between. It is a conscious effort I employ to try to do the same in the church (at least I am finding this to be true).
The small group format encourages group 'connectiveness' by members getting to know each other on a more intimate level than can be achieved at church. This is a good thing. However, the spirit of exclusivity easily creeps in when a group retains its members at the exclusion of new blood.
I am suggesting a change up at least on a yearly basis so that new ideas, new personalities, can interact with those who have been here for a long time. Groups can form their own identities if left alone. My suggestion is that this is not a good thing. New members break into our comfort zones by forcing us to get to know others we would otherwise not be inclined to interact with.
Now for an example of why the present format does not work. I say this still with some bitterness, but I had an unfortunate situation that came about which resulted in an offense and hurt feelings that were never anticipated. My wife and I together, decided to put what I have been saying into practice. However, I was completely taken off guard when, thinking I would out of courtesy, merely tell of my intention and be done with it, was instead put through a question and answer session that ultimately ended in the question of whether it was God's will I leave the group! My judgment in determining this course was questioned. It was even suggested that how I spend my time was not according to the will of God - that I should plan my time better! I thought I was amongst believers - not in a cult! This aside, the very things we had shared as a family were brought out and used against us to hold us accountable.
These are things no one has any business in doing to another. The intimate things we share with one another are not to be then used against us. I had determined at that time to be wiser in what and who we share our deepest concerns to. It is important to form relationships with one another. Often times we will find like-minded individuals we can share our heart with without fear and without judgment. I have a few friends like this that I can trust deeply and truly, where I know it would be difficult for them to easily take offense - for they know my heart.
It is with this spirit of concern that I say these things. It was said to me, "Joe, I agree with you, why don't you start a group." But if all groups are not coordinated in the same way, then what are the chances that a group started by me will have any hope of lasting? It must be orchestrated from above; that this is what is expected from all. I return to this with my next post.
-Joe
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