Why do I encourage my children not to attend youth group? One of the primary reasons is simply that it aids in segregating the ages into distinct separate groups. This is not how a family should operate the last I looked. The first families of this great nation did not think in these kinds of terms. For them they understood that the biblical principle in Proverbs 22:6 ("Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it") was a charge that was understood the family unit was responsible for and that which the congregation supported. R.C. Sproul, Jr. said that as the culture today has adopted such age segregation practices, so the church has followed suit: "We have much the same problem in the Church...Mom goes off to her Women in the church...circle. Dad heads off to his Promise Keepers meeting. Princess is at her youth group meeting, while Junior is watching videos of vegetables in children's church....the truth is we are failing miserably, even when we think we are succeeding. We're allowing our families to be torn apart because we are allowing our families to be molded by the wisdom of the world."(1) I am attempting to reverse the trend with my family by encouraging family worship in the church. this requires much more effort and patience because now i am taking full responsibility in teaching my children spiritual principles and practices that will go with them into adulthood. SECONDLY: By instituting such practices within my family I have, in effect, raised the bar of expectation. I am requiring them to look up as I pull them up to a much higher level spiritually. The powerful spiritual truths taught in the adult classes are not too far above them that they cannot reach with the help of Dad. there is no real peer distraction to prevent them from learning - and learning at the very least means sitting still for a spell. This is teaching proper behavior. Previously, I had no control over what behavior my children happened to be displaying before their teachers. Now I am able to accomplish more fully what is solely my responsibility before the Lord, by correcting and managing bad behavior and teaching what is proper to a covenant child of God. When I hear surprise uttered from the lips of devout young people about others from their own peer group claiming to be a Christian, the surprise is because these others looked and acted no different from those who never claimed a relationship to Christ(2), it serves to reinforce in me the futility that the youth group scene is simply not a viable alternative to what parents are called to do and to be for their children. We must face the fact that there are many opposing views converging together in one confusing mass every Wednesday night when the youth group usually meets. Many of these views are just not compatible with a young person who desires to serve Christ wholeheartedly, especially since his concept of Christian behavior and his practice of it is still tender and fragile. Teaching doctrine is important, yes; but certainly, at this stage of Christian development, (when parents are needed more than ever) their faith grows and matures best as they see others put their beliefs into practice. But in the youth group scene, it is not so much about doctrine and practical application as it is about meeting friends and socializing with them. These are, in effect, the role persons looked up to. They model each others behaviors if not their beliefs; not necessarily the adult leader who simply cannot be expected to have any real impact in the life of a young person when meeting are but once or twice a week for an hour or two. It is the parent that has the distinct privilege of being able to impact their world for the good. If they are involved in the details of their child's life then their influence will transcend that of their peers. Otherwise influence will be bottom up rather than top down. Again, the practical aspects of faith are not always matured - when it becomes apart of their every day speech. But attitudes and behaviors are easily transferred and accepted since, "Johnny is a Christian" after all. So the positive influence of the youth group on the spiritual develpment of teens is moot, in my opinion; especially if parents look to it as their children's primary spiritual resource. Some look to it as an excuse to "let up" in their own responsibilities. but I would add that this is not always a conscious thought. Sometimes it is - if we are honest. So if the parents are doing their job properly, then what is the purpose of the youth group if the negatives outweigh the positives regarding spiritual development within the youth of the church? My answer is simply - amusement. It is the amusing activities that kids remember; not the spiritual messages or even the doctrine.
Reason number THREE, of not including my children in the youth group scene, should be considered about as lame an excuse as there is. It fact it is almost verging on being asinine. The excuse is simply stated, "I let my son go to youth group so he can be a positive role model to his peers." I was raised hearing this statement uttered from many parents. It is a cliche. It is a lie for the reasons I stated above. Johnny will not stand alone for long. If he is mature enough to earnestly desire serving God with his whole heart, he will stand alone. All alone. Or he will compromise in some small way to fit in better. This is my job to assure that my children never compromise for the sake of being accepted by their worldly acting Christian peers. It is true that there is a jumbled mass present at youth group. These include Christian and non-Christians alike. Over time, according to the law of averages, what will be produced will be a medium baked Christianity, neither hot, nor cold, but right in the middle where everyone is safe and comfortable. This is exactly why I dismiss, without so much as a backward glance, the notion that my children can be salt in this type of environment. Rather, I hold to the opinion, and I believe to be the right biblical position, that the best situation for my children, to be most effective salt in the world, is if they are surrounded by those who are mature in the faith - who have years of Christian experience from fighting many battles. Only in this context can young people be good role models towards their peers, influencing them to raise their own standards of spiritual excellence, without themselves being threatened to compromise. The pressure to conform ought to be recognized for what it is - it is a worldly agenda and philosophy attempting to break in and compromise strong faith and strong desire to know God intimately. We are never called to conform to worldly acceptance standards - we are called to be peculiar. I do not and will not apologize for teaching my children these truths. This is the right attitude to have.
A FOURTH lie is the familiar one that cries forth, "we must be culturally relevant" so that the world will accept our message. Well the fruit of the youth group paradigm definitely has manifested this in my experience. I could count on one hand, out of a multitude of young people that have gone through my mother's bible studies over the years and attended teen camp, how many point to those time as being essential to their spiritual development. The fault does not lie with the teacher; it lies in the paradigm itself. We need to go back to the original presupposition and reconfigure it. You know; the one that said that the experts are able to teach our children better than we. We must reinstall the original foundation by which we read, "My Son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge" (Proverbs 5:1, 2). "My wisdom" is the wisdom of the parent - child relationship; absolutly essential for long life (Exodus 20:12). It is the parent who takes seriously, the time involved in raising his child in the way he should go. It is invested time. Time well spent. We should, as parents, be jealous of time spent elsewhere. What great opportunity I have as a father to be able to spend quality time with my son teaching him the things of the Lord and by modeling transparency with him while we work together.
So what is my answer to all this if it is not youth group? Why not incorporate the youth in adult classes, with their parents, where they must behave and pay attention, instead of being distracted by others who cannot manage to sit still? There is no place for cultural relevancy as it has come to be understood. Now if we are talking about apologetics, then that is a different story. But I am not talking about apologetics where we look for unique ways of engaging unbelievers into a discussion about spiritual things; I am talking about looking so much like the world, the world cannot tell who it is we belong to. We must be distinct in our faith, which means we need to be prepared. It is imperative that our children and young people be equipped to give real sound defense of their faith. Compromise teaches mediocrity. Mediocrity has no place in the house of God. Much more could be said and more references made about these things; but this is enough for the time being.
-Joe
(1) R.C. Spoul, Jr., Bound for Glory: God's Promise for Your Family (Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway Books, 2003), pp. 25, 26. (As quoted in: Botkin, Anna Sofia & Elizabeth., So Much More (San Antonio, TX: Vision Forum, Inc., 2006), pp. 173, 174.)
(2) So Much More, pp. 83, 84.
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